~Missed~

This is Courtney standing outside one morning in her pajamas crying because Aunt Tyra was leaving. Nichole thinks it is funny when her sister cries so she was taking pictures. :o)




There isn't a week that goes by that one of my kids don't say "mommy, I miss Aunt Tyra." Courtney asks me often when will she get to see her again, of course I tell her when we go to live with Jesus! Her response to my answer this week was "well, I need to die mom." I didn't like hearing that come from a 4 year old, but it told me that those little people hurt too. Devon told us that he has rough days at school cause she is all he can think about and sometimes he feels like he needs to cry but he is scared too, I told him to call his mommy and I will get him and we can cry together. Church has been extremely hard on him too, it was hard to know what to tell him, knowing that we weren't dealing well either, and not having a clue how to deal with it. All my kids loved Aunt Tyra, always begged to go see her(and to play with the kids), sit with her at church, have them over for dinner...you name it. For several months this year we had them over at least 2-3 times a month for dinner. Almost every time they came over the first question I would hear is "Did you make homemade bread Aunt Alicia?" I tried to everytime!! :o) I thought after the 3rd month that there would be a way to know how to deal with the hurt, but it seems it has only gotten worse and more complicated. I did all I could do to help during her last week knowing what she was going through and often wonder if I should have done something different or if I did enough. I feel like I did my best and still feel so frustrated. I pray that everyone learns a lesson and loves their friends and family and takes time for them, even in their busy life, cause you never know when you will lose them. I have changed my tune a little around home as well, I don't want my kids remembering me as the mom that freaked out cause someone just spilled milk all over the floor that I just cleaned or left their dirty clothes on the floor, etc. My husband told me in humor but truth(if I was honest with myself) that I was a clean freak and I needed to loosen up a little bit cause our kids are gonna grow up remembering me as the mom that freaked out over a little crumb on the counter, that was a little exaggerated but he got his point across. :o) He told me that there is gonna come a day when all our kids are out of the house that I am gonna wish for a pencil mark on the wall, toys on the floor, and a crumb on the counter. There have been a few times..when the boys broke his antlers, his hammer was left outside on the ground by a tree house, the kids all had showers and there was no hot water left for him, etc.....and I have reminded him of what he told me, "Babe, someday these kids will be gone and you are gonna miss it!" I love my kids and that is what I want them to know with a doubt! I think anyone who knew Tyra very well at all knew without a doubt that she loved her kids and had Jesus in her heart...what better memory can you leave?!!